"Somethings Missing" an entry of my feelings and thoughts....

I had just laid down to go sleep last night as my head filled with anxiety and sadness. An incomplete and unfulfilled kind of feeling has gradually been creeping over me. No, I am not talking about anything to do with my marriage. So all you readers can rest your little worrisome heads. I am completely happy in my marriage and wouldn't trade my husband for anything!

These are the feelings and thoughts I wrote down in a notebook I have. I felt I needed to share them with more than just a pad of paper......

I just feel like something is missing. I have a part of me that feels like I need to do something to make money. I think some of my self worth is missing because of not having a monetary worth. I lack at being a good mother and wife sometimes. I am never satisfied with what I have and I always want more(Consumerism). I lack the self confidence, personality and charisma to be the person I so desire to be. I feel like I am waisting away my days just to get to the "weekend". I need friends and not just any friends. Friends that will make me a better person. That will challenge, encourage, buildup and lend a helping hand. Friends that will also help me grow spiritually. I need to chill out sometimes and not get so stressed out. I need for someone to invent a "no worrying" pill because I worry to much.

I also made a list about things I don't like about myself physically but I think just the thoughts above are enough for ya'll to digest. I do not expect any comments or emails in reply to this post I just needed to get some things out into the open and clear my head. I have been battling with these feelings for awhile and don't know how to fix them. I keep trying to fix the "money" issue I have but I can't seem to find a legitimate way to make money that keeps me a stay at home mom, a job I can do while moving with Ron's work and something that doesn't take the little bit of precious family time we have away. It has been hard being away from the community that I have grown to love. It is mostly just me and the boys during every day and that gets old quick. I am taking them to My Little Gym on Friday for a trial class. So that will give us something for that day. I just am really frustrated at myself and some things about my life right now and I needed to vent. I think a really good vacation is needed.....to bad the joke is that I am already on one(being in Fairfax and traveling with the job a.k.a. "vacation"). If you do do anything in response to this post let it be to pray that God will give me guidance and peace. Thanks